I was checking out in the supermarket (with a shopping cart full of healthy items that are low in Weight Watchers points but are in now way healthy because one should not sustain oneself on fat free cool whip with sugar free jello because whilst low in points, is fucking nasty and very unhealthy and not fit for sustenance) I noticed Star Magazine's cover with Laura Bush's pretty, pretty face. The headline referred to how she was pissed at Sir Prez for doing the deed with Condoleeza Rice.
I can't go there.
I have a degree in psychology. In one of my favorite classes, we watch an MTV special on Plushies and Furries. Yeah. Plushies and Furries. I took human sexuality where we discussed BDSM and numerous other things I can't write about in my blog for fear that people will find me via google and fall in love with me, a fatty, because they'd just be switching fetishes, and well, I'm a commitment-phobe. But anyway, after learning about plushies and furries, I went back to my dorm room and barraged my roommate with questions (she was in a bad mood, it helped) about cartoon animals and their sex lives. Were Kermit and Miss Piggy intimate? Did April ever hook up with a Turtle? Did Minnie ever cheat on Mickey with Goofy? How exactly would the Little Mermaid have sex? What if Jessica Rabbit were the pimp for all cartoon characters? Was Beast really a beast in the bedroom after he was transformed? Why can't Eeyore find a date? You know he'd be so much happier... These were very, very important, life-altering questions.
Obviously.
We never did figure out if Barney or the teletubbies are really gay. Or if Bert and Ernie were really just good friends, or if Snow White had some questionable motives.The conversation lasted for hours, was not induced by any mind-altering substances, and merely left us in giggles.
But there were certain places we just would never go. They would just be inappropriate. Well, beyond inappropriate. And then there were places that were too graphic, too vulgar, or just plain too nasty for us to ever be able to close our eyes peacefully at night again.
Today, there it was. One of the worst nightmares right in the supermarket checkout lane. The though of The Prez gettin' it on. I think I'll be able to move past it this, but if I ever see someone like Dan Rather, Tim Russert, Rev. Jesse Jackson, Martha Stewart, etc,. with their names associated with a sex scandal, I'm going to need sleeping pills.
