The quarterlife crisis

I figured life after college would suck, in some way, shape or form. I had been warned about the super scary “real world” the place where people are mean and you most definitely cannot hand papers in late, ever. Or so I was told. It’s not the “real world” that has sucked. That part hasn’t been so biting. The part that has sucked has been me, and I totally didn’t expect that.

The people, they’re the same as they were in college, but for the most part, not soaked in alcohol. The bills, the taxes, the expenses – all expected. I was lucky in the health insurance department, but many people my age get completely screwed in that area.

When I left college, I had plans. I was going to live in an apartment furnished by IKEA. Sleek and bright and comfortable and fun and all mine. But then there was the whole deal with getting a job. I got one, near home, and out the door went my IKEA dream.

But the problem wasn’t living at home. I see my dad roughly the same amount as I did in college when I lived four hours away, though the costs are a little higher.

Nope, the problem is me.

You see, I had my dream of an apartment and a cool job, preferably one where I got to travel. That didn’t happen. I have an interesting job, there’s no doubt about that. But I don’t like it. I live in a perpetual state of being awkward. My suits don’t fit correctly, wearing high heels for 10 hours makes me want to claw someone’s eyes out, wearing pantyhose for 10 hours a day makes me want to wear them over my head and rob a Leggs/Hanes/Bali store, my hair gets frizzy and looks just like it did when I was two immediately after I walk into the building, I get nervous talking in front of people, I feel insecure 1,430 minutes a day, etc. and yeah, it’s just me.

I live a pretty good life. I’m lucky. Materially, I’m completely spoiled although it doesn’t stop me from wanting more. I am educated, I have healthcare, family and friends, etc. But right now… Right now, I’m kinda hating life.

And from what I gather, it’s perfectly normal.

First jobs? Well, apparently they’re like a stanky elevator on the way to something better. Oh, and you have no freaking clue which floor to get off on?

Dating? Men abound in college. They’re in your age group. They’re roughly the same maturity level (ha!). Outside of college, the guys in our realm (read: single, straight, and without prison records) are difficult to find, which doesn’t even take into account that you have to weed out the assholes.

Marriage? All of your friends are either married, engaged, or expecting to be engaged any minute now. I have two friends from college I can guarantee will not be married in the next year and that’s about it. One is partly due to gay marriage being not being legal, the other is due to her not being of the marriage mindset, like me. She’s my favorite. But yes, right now we’re all inundated with thoughts of marriage and settling down. And there is some pull to do that, but people, I am young, and selfish, and entirely not ready to settle down. And yes, at the moment it looks like I will have at least four weddings to attend next summer, and I fully expect another round of engagements before Christmas. Oh, and they’re all at different times and in two different seasons, and two are familial so I can’t wear the same outfit. Wait, wait, to make it even better, two are being held where I work. I have to find a date I can drag to all of this stuff soon… And freaking Jcrew.com is showing a picture of the dress in the center, but they do not sell it and I need it.

Body? WTF is my body doing to me? I have acne again, just like when I was 12. My uterus hates me. My ovaries hate me. My tastes have changed. I can now stomach foods, like cottage cheese, red peppers and others I never would have sampled before. My sweet tooth is dying down. It’s strange… My stomach will never be completely flat. I have to pluck my chin, wax my brows and quite frankly spend an inordinate amount of time grooming.

Emotions? All over the freaking place.

Friends? It’s the only thing that makes me miss living in a dorm. I had my awesome roommates and incredible girls down the hall. It’s so fun having your life synced with people, now it just doesn’t happen. They’re all great amazing people and I wish I could spend time with them and that we didn’t live in different areas and have entirely separate lives occurring, but we do. Nothing will ever be able to replicate that, ever. And I really, really miss it. Of course, it would help if they would all stop getting married. Bastards. You know, in a good way.

Life? What the hell am I going to do with mine? Does anyone ever know for sure? This uncertainty sucks monkey balls. I should move. You know, to a city. A cool city. But which one? They’re all cool. I should find a new job. But which one? There are bazillions of cool jobs that I’d love to have, oh, and how should I qualify for said job? Grad school? Maybe? Maybe I should take a law school entrance exam. Maybe I’ll do that first thing Saturday morning. Yeah. Fun.

Right now, I’m not really looking forward to growing up anymore. While I want this part to be over, if another person tells me their twenties were the best years of their life, I’m going to kill them, because I’m a little worried it might be true and I’m just having a hard time enjoying it.

Comments

[janet]

yep, I think you just summed up the quarterlife crisis right there. I guess I am a little biased, but I think I would recommend taking the plunge and moving to a new city and getting a new (different) job before going to grad school and taking on potential six-figure debt, unless you are SURE you want that degree. If you are interested in a job in DC, we should chat because maybe I can help point you in a fee directions? and DC is a fun place for people to plow through their quarterlife crisis. You will be in fabulous company!

[Doug]

Well written. A good read. ::nods::

[Merbear]

hey i'm starting a new blog, and i heart you and hope you make it thru your quarterlife crisis. i sure do hope we can manage to get together sometime soon. there's lots of jobs down here in DC/northern VA, i think you should come. i bet you don't even have to go to grad school. what was your college major? look at SAIC.com, they have zillions of jobs in this area in zillions of areas, and they're hiring like crazy. come live near me!!

[Merbear]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

[james]

that was a really funny post! sorry to hear bout your quarter life crisis though. ;)